Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
