It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
