you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
