If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
even my farts smell like vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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