What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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