Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
