wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
