I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
