Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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