why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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