Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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