The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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