moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
