they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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