Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
