You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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