Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I looked at my own cervix.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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