Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
