Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
