I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
