I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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