Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize