awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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