I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
