on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
