So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drake has all the answers
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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