The maid of honor just puked.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think my vagina is haunted
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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