duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
