lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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