Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
