i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
