You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
