i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
