I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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