I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
