This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
