Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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