Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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