So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
