Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we should paint friendship bongs
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