We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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