hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
