I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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