if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
