You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
