Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
