Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
