His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every concussion has its silver lining
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I AM VODKA MAN
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
