everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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