Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
