how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Someone signed my nipple.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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