she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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