Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well I can't set my house on fire every night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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