You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
