it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
