im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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