I love black thongs
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
