The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
