Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
even my farts smell like vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
