saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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