As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
