So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
