I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
we should paint friendship bongs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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