I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
