Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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