Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I believe in your delicious
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize