his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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