Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize