My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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