I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
