She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think my moral compass just broke
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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