I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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