umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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