You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
