This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
