Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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