sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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