At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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