Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
