My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i out mim tonsoeep
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