Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
