My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
