Old men and throwing up are my life now.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
