he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
