So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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