new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
