There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
