What did we do last night that was yellow?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
