I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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