if i died would you start the facebook group?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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