We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
