Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
