The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
