And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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