Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
