i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
