If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dick very happy bro
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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