I heard we made out
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
