Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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